Scissor Brothers

by Stephen Tall on October 27, 2006

Forget the Arctic Monkeys (pretty easy, actually), it’s time to out the Chancellor, Gordon Brown, as a fan of popular New York disco-combo, Scissor Sisters.

Yesterday, Mr Brown and his Tory shadow (in every sense), George Osborne, went mano-a-mano at their monthly House of Commons duel. I’ve just watched the exchange on ParliamentLive.tv, and the deep contempt in which the doughty old Labour lugger holds the upstart young Tory Turk is electrifyingly clear.

This edited extract from Michael White’s Guardian sketch captures the scene:

The chancellor wore his usual bush-backwards look, crumpled blue suit, pink-ish tie and glower, the Heathcliff of Kirkcaldy. More to the point, he came heavily armed with facts, every one of them fine-tuned to destroy Tory attacks. But anything Mr Brown can do the competitive Mr Osborne is keen to do too, even being annoying. Mr Osborne challenged the chancellor to admit (“I know you don’t do humility”) ruining the pensions industry. “Answer, answer,” roared Tory MPs. The Kirkcaldy Steamroller steamed on. “No one believes what you say about your own policies, let alone ours,” smirked young George. He gives good smirk. At this point Mr Brown lost it and tossed a clutch of papers across the dispatch box, presumably those Tory tax plans.

And the link to the Scissor Sisters?

Well, the stand-out single on their latest album (Ta-Dah) is I Can’t Decide, and seems – if only to me – to sum up the furious enmity that burnishes between Gordon and George.

I’m not a gangster tonight
Don’t want to be a bad guy
I’m just a loner baby
And now you’re gotten in my way

I can’t decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you’ll probably go to heaven
Please don’t hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It’s cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We’re going for a ride

It’s a bitch convincing people to like you
If I stop now call me a quitter
If lies were cats you’d be a litter
Pleasing everyone isn’t like you
Dancing jigs until I’m crippled
Slug ten drinks I won’t get pickled

I’ve got to hand it to you
You’ve played by all the same rules
It takes the truth to fool me
And now you’ve made me angry

I can’t decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you’ll probably go to heaven
Please don’t hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It’s cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We’re going for a ride

(Hat-tip to AZlyrics.com for the lyrics.)

(You can listen to it here.)